Atheist Interview!

Chapter two (2)

The atheist who was held captive by an imaginary person in a remote cabin, whom he claimed was murdering innocent people while treating him quite well, agreed to an interview to answer questions about what he endured during his week of captivity.

The following is the transcript:

“Thank you atheist for agreeing to continue this  interview.”

“No problem. I talk to anyone I can see. I can SEE you! Hello?”

“I don’t understand….”

“I can see you. I have evidence that you exist. I see you. I must have evidence or I cannot be swayed, coerced, persuaded, certainly not convinced in any gods unless I have evidence.”

“Oh! Okay I understand now..you’re an atheist and do not believe in invisible gods. But you believe in what you can see.”

“That’s right! I don’t believe in flying spaghetti monsters or fairies dancing on lawns. I am an empiricist and must have evidence. I am a proud atheist. We are working hard to change the  world to a world that lives in reality. A world that is free of fundies and fanatics. Free of religion which has caused all the war death and destruction throughout history. Also I am a person of high morals something fundies do not possess.”

“Atheist when you were being held captive in the beautiful cabin by a peaceful lake, did you do any fishing?”

“Come to recall yes I did fish one day while my captor was slaughtering innocent men women and children. I could hear their screams while I was reeling in a big one.”

“Why didn’t you try to stop him? This is the question my boss said I must ask.”

“I couldn’t see him I tell you! I need evidence of his existence, there is none of course, yet I knew he was killing all these people. I heard their screams.”

“Can you tell us what you mean when you say he was killing innocent people, yet he does not exist, and you did not see him, but you heard their screams?How can he not exist yet commit all these heinous crimes you say you witnessed?”

“This is the thing: he is an imaginary being who wackos worship. I am much to intelligent to worship an imaginary flying spaghetti monster who kills innocent people. There are no fairies under the bed, okay?”

“Could you explain a little more?”

“Look when I was a kid my mind was totally clean when I was born an innocent baby. But what is the first thing I hear as soon as I can understand? Say your prayers and be good. I did this faithfully every night. But guess what not one prayer ever was answered. Out of the millions I prayed not one was answered. I got beat up in school, my dad lied to me, my friends betrayed me, it was awful. Then when I got a little older my little puppy died and that really cinched it for me.”

“Cinched what? That you had no faith?”

“No! that there is no man in the sky no god who cares. It is all a farce, a made up fairy tale, to dupe the simple-minded morons who go broke giving their money to lying money loving preachers I know of what I speak! I went to college and there I was more convinced there is no god. Darwin explained what happened we all evolved from goo. We are creatures who evolved over billions of years and learning who we are what we are where we came from. We are learning about the universe and how we relate to it. Science is my god it is fair it is honest and it provides evidence of reality. I can see it, it is there. And truth is 2+2 =4 this is reality. But to teach a child that there is a god who loves you is cruel and really is child abuse. It took me years to get over this nonsense of a god who cares.”

“Back to the cabin. Please explain how a non-existent entity can murder innocent people?”

“What do you mean a non-existent entity?”

“Hello? Please explain how a non-existent being can kill anyone? Where did you get this from? Oh yes the cabin the abduction the screams while you were barbecuing steaks. You said he was non-existent not me.”

“He is non-existent! I must have evidence!  However, I saw him committing cold blooded murder! Oh yes it was the Canaanite family he massacred one day for no reason except to watch them die. All they were doing was having a party one day and he slaughtered everyone of them. I saw this happen!”

“Of course you did….. Now… Why did you say he is non-existent if you saw him killing people?”

“He is the non-existent being.”

“Please explain for the umpteenth time, I ask you explain to a waiting world, I ask you to explain how… how… how a non-existent being can kill? You realize of course this is not possible for something that does not exist to do things only things that do exist can do?  It is called evidence. You do understand that don’t you? Sounds to me like it is you that believes in flying spaghetti monsters.”

To be continued….in next blog

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