The Reading of Goo’s Will and Last Testament

Piltdown Man

Image by jovike via Flickr

With all his friends gathered in the Museum of Un-natural Pseudo-history Goo’s grieving attorney Evolutionist arrives and is greeted by the waiting crowd. Hopping from his limo he waves away reporters, then hurries inside to do what he hates to do: read Goo’s will to his grieving followers the Darwinians.

There is a hush. After the soloist sings The Impossible Dream his attorney Evolutionist asks that a moment of silence be observed in memory of his friend. An infidel comes forward to say there will be no prayer since none there believe in God.

Goo’s will and last testament  is opened by his faithful attorney Evolutionist. Weeping loudly he reaches for his handkerchief and wipes his eyes. He begins:

I Goo, being of sound mind and goo, do hereby testify that I am forever innocent of all charges hurled against me by the Bible-thumping creationists. Obviously if you are hearing these words today my dear Darwinian friends then you know I am sooo…dead. Dead by the hands of religious fanatics who believe in God without evidence. I had evidence to present to the world. I know what really ruined it for me was when I came up with Pilt-Down man. And his girlfriend Lucy. Big mistake! This is what alerted the creationists to my wicked ways.  Truly I never thought the fundies would challenge me on this. Before I knew it there were literally thousands upon thousands of essays and reports calling me a liar. There were excavations and sites revisited to prove me wrong. Not to mention all the Christian books, movies, and personal appearances by the Creationists who were out to prove beyond any doubt that God is real.

I lost the great battle and the creationists still rule the world as they have since the dawn of time. Rather the dawn of their time. Or rather the dawn of the only recorded time. Anyway let it be known that from this day forward I will be dead and remembered as a liar without a conscience.

But to you my dear Darwinian friends I will always be Goo who dreamed the impossible dream..hoping that transitional fossils would be found even though they were not found. It cannot be denied that if evolution did take place; is taking place there would be so many transitional fossils the world could not hold them. Why after billions of years and something changing into something else there would have to be proof. But there isn’t. So yes I  had to lie I had to keep up the show.

But as you continue in life remember that I tried.

I bequeath all my worldly belongings, which belongings consist of  a spade  and a knapsack,  to the Smithsonian where also will lie my gooey remains after my hanging by the Creationists.

I bid you adieu. By the way I am in Hell.

The crowd cries loudly repeating over and over...My great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great- a billion greats… great-granddaddy is a baboon.


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