Reverend Faith Debates Dr Hotiarre

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Thank you Dr Hotiarre and Reverend Faith for agreeing to this debate. Now let us begin:

Reverend Faith: Dr Hotiarre you are a strong believer in evolution right?

Dr Hotiarre: I am.

Reverend Faith: You believe brains evolved?

Dr Hotiarre: I know they did. Billions of years ago my brain was the brain of a great silver back. I am the proud descendant of a smelly sex-crazed grunting killing ignorant disgusting beast.

Reverend Faith: So I take it that the human brain which you say evolved got its ability to think from the time-god?

Dr Hotiarre: Well not just from the time-god. But from environment also. From billions of years of trial and error. From billions of years of death and destruction. Yes man’s brain evolved. So did his capacity to think. At one time in earth’s dark mysterious history I could not think. All I could do was grunt. So you see how far we have come thanks to the time-god.

(Dr Hotiarre suddenly falls to the floor and begins to have a spasm. He jerks and salivates. He foams and grimaces. Then strangely begins to chant a eerie sounding jungle chant as he feverishly worships the time-god.) After about five minutes he appears to come back to reality. He does not apologize for his ghastly behavior, but says worshiping the time-god is part of his religion. He struggles back to his seat and composes himself without an ounce of shame or embarrassment.)

Reverend Faith: How long do these strange outbursts last when you fall to the floor to worship your time-god?

Dr Hotiarre: I never know when I will have an episode. I never can tell when I must fall to my knees with my face to the floor to worship the time-god who after billions of years changed me from a smelly sex-crazed beast into a degree laden doctor whose knowledge knows no bounds.

Reverend Faith: Do you believe that the same brain that evolved from an ape-brain to a human-brain evolved to invent and discover new drugs and medicines?

Dr Hotiarre: I do. For example when a scientist who is fully evolved from his grunting ancestors becomes a university degree holding scientist he goes to his lab to discover the cure for many diseases.

Reverend Faith: Like AIDS for example?

Dr Hotiarre: Yes science has discovered many drugs to destroy the AIDS virus. Or at least halt its destruction.

Reverend Faith: So what you say is that evolution tries to destroy itself?

Dr Hotiarre: I don’t understand.

Reverend Faith: You say that the brain evolved. You say that this same evolved brain then seeks to discover what will destroy AIDS; such as drugs. Yet it is evolution with the help of the time-god that made the brain that discovered the drugs to destroy the virus that is killing the host body. How does this make sense? You are basically saying that evolution is trying to eliminate itself. Why does evolved man try to destroy what brought it into existence in the first place to destroy its own evolving power?

Dr Hotiarre: Well as a scientist we realize that we evolved primates are one with the universe. But as we evolve into humans we understand more and more of our origins and our purpose on this particular planet. So we use our evolved brains that reason and think to destroy what tries to destroy us by disease and sickness. Hence we discover drugs that heal and halt disease.

Reverend Faith: So evolution fights itself? Why try to destroy what evolution created only to destroy and eliminate? If evolution doesn’t favor a certain one then why cumber it along?

Dr Hotiarre: As I said we are learning what we are. What the universe is. We are learning that some things are not acceptable. Disease is not acceptable.

Reverend Faith: Obviously evolution does not agree with you. Do you believe in prevention? Such as concerning the AIDS virus. Is there a reason it came into existence? Is there a certain host type it favors when it seeks to eliminate? Why does the evolved brain invent drugs to save what evolution obviously considers unfit? Evolution is all for to destroy the unfit. Explain how the same brain that evolution made seeks to invent drugs to save what evolution deems unfit to live?

To be continued….

Dr Hotiarre Defends Evolution

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You may speak Dr Hotiarre:

My fellow evolving creatures of planet earth; may I begin by reminding my audience that man is an evolving thing.

He is an animal. An evolving entity. In short man is a beast!

Yes at one time in a long ago age he crawled on his hands and knees searching for food. He killed and killed and killed to survive. He salivated and sweat.  He graduated to the grunt. He smelled and stunk with no shame.

He never smiled or laughed. When man was an animal he looked like an animal.

But as he evolved he suddenly because of the time-god began to own a conscience that convicted him of his murders. What could this be? How could man evolve morals? He murdered than he begins to feel conscience? How could this be?

Humans are killers. Why? because we are animals.

This is basically what we do today: we kill to survive.

I think Brother Happy mentioned that the Bible says that if we hate our brother we are a murderer.

How to murder someone is not just using the hands. Not just hands to use a gun or a knife. Murder with words. Slander them and insult them. Insult them every chance you get. And condemn them with no mercy.

Elevate yourself to a place high above them. Use every language you know to speak evil of the one you wish to kill. I guarantee it that words kill.

Brother Happy spoke of ignorance; of how we kill using words as our weapon of choice. Vicious words murderous words hurting and cutting words.

If a child hears he is stupid and worthless he is being murdered by the ignorant creature that is hurling the words at him. If an adult hears or reads evil of himself he begins to die just as God said he would.

Death is the wages of sin. Death to the murderer and death to his victim.

Yes we are killers. We are murderers. We are liars and thieves and robbers.

Hmm..according to Brother Happy every time I slander a person I use words to wound mutilate to kill. Words that can be used as a lethal weapon to utterly destroy.

Some evolve quicker and better than others as we can deduct by simple observation.

Have you ever noticed that some people look like monkeys? Of course you have?  He deserves to die. He is not fully evolved according to Darwin.

Have you ever seen a man who is arrested and charged with murder? Why? because he attacked for no reason a fellow human being. Inn his anger of beastly depravity he viciously killed him. He felt no remorse. Why? because he is a beast. A lying murdering robbing beast.

This a picture of man without God.

Man is a beast an animal who loves to do evil. He loves to curse and use profanity. He loves to indulge himself in slander and gossip of those he hates and judges. He sits and slanders the absent victim.

Man is a murderer and a thief. The same things Jesus said of Satan that he is a murderer and a thief.

Do I really commit theft when I slander another? Do I really rob them of their right to be heard? Of their right to defend themselves? If they are not present to hear me slander them than yes I am robbing them of their right to defend their reputation.

If I use vicious words to attack them with words stabbed into their back then into their heart.. I am a murderer.

So yes man is a murderer. He is a thief. He is an animal. A beast.

What but a beast would kill?

What but a beast would murder lie and run to hide?

Yes evolution proves that man evolved from a beast into a man.

But Brother Happy says the opposite: he maintains that man evolved into a beast after he sinned against his Creator.

Darwin got it backwards.

God created a man in his image and Satan marred that man and called it evolution.

God calls it sin.

How do we return to Eden. Through Christ.

The Debaters (2)

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Ladies and gentlemen thank you for coming tonight. We will continue with the debate between the distinguished and highly respected, phenomenally educated Dr Hotairre whose knowledge knows no bounds. He will again tonight debate Brother Happy. He will prove to Brother Happy, whom he refers to as an ignorant Bible thumping brain-dead fundie, who seems to lack the ability to think for himself; that it is quite scientifically impossible for an axe to float. He will demonstrate using scientific data that there was no miraculous parting of the Sea of Reeds since no chariot wheels have ever been found. Dr Hotairre will now speak:

Dr Hotairre: If Brother Happy will permit me to comment on his grey matter. He seems to lack the basic ability to think for himself. He believes what he is told with no thought that the very opposite may be true..

In my extensive research in the field of scientific data it is common knowledge that even among those whose IQ is 80 it is known that iron does not float. Now proving this is easily demonstrated. I have brought with me tonight an axe. Now would someone please provide me with a bucket of water?

A bucket of water is brought. Dr Hotairre takes the axe and drops it into the water. Sure enough it sinks to the bottom.

Now, says Dr Hotairre, everyone here of sound mind, which would exclude Brother Happy, knows that the axe will not cannot float to the surface. Yet ladies and gentlemen Brother Happy believes with every fiber of his being that at one time in ancient history an axe floated. He believes simply because he read it in that outdated book filled with contradictions called the Bible.

Now moving right along… I brought with me tonight documents proving there are no chariot wheels on the bottom of the Sea of Reeds. Do I really need to prove anything here tonight when sane people know that none of the things that Brother Happy believes in ever happened? As a proud and ludicrously educated agtheist which is a degree laden agnostic aka borderline atheist, I am free to ponder the mysteries of the universe. Mysteries when studied that each day are yielding new truths to the scientific community. Facts that we the educated may use to build a world where Darwin is respected for the genius that he was.

Do we really need the likes of Brother Happy whose sole goal in life is to praise the Lord? Has he no life? Has he not even one ounce of intelligence seeing he also is descended from apes? Apes which had the basic data within their genes to somehow turn into humans when the time-god did his thing; which was to simply pass.

Brother Happy seems to show all signs of a man who is ignorant of the power of the time-god. Given enough time and chance anything can happen. Anything. No god is needed!  Thank you.

Someone in the audience sends up his first question for Dr Hotairre.

The host reads it to Dr Hotairre: Your belief that given enough time and chance anything could happen Would that include an axe floating?

Dr Hotairre answers No because it is scientifically impossible. However apes turning into humans is not only possible it happened. Even though we are still disappointed that few transitional fossils have been discovered still we believe more will be found.

Another question from the audience:

The host reads it: Dr Hotairre with the passing of your wonder-working time-god, should there not by now, be found, BY CHANCE,  trillions of transitional fossils seeing that according to you billions of years have passed? I mean how mush time do you need?

Dr Hoatairre replies..No obviously according to all the evidence we have not enough time has passed. It will probably not be in my lifetime. Time must pass! This is a must!

Dr Hotairre suddenly falls to his knees and begins to worship the time-god shouting..strange incoherent sounds that sound like an ancient voodoo song.

Host: Uh ok. Moving right along. We will now hear from Brother Happy:

Brother Happy: Thank you Jesus and glory to God! Wonderful wonderful God who loves us so much that he sent his Son to die on the old cross. He does a little dance claps his hands together and and sits down.

To be continued…

The Debaters (1)

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Ladies and gentlemen thank you all for coming tonight. Our speakers will debate whether science and the Bible have anything in common.

Our first speaker Dr Fuller O. Hotairre was educated in London, England at the prestigious university of higher learning Weighbridge. His knowledge knows no limit. His understanding defies human understanding. His wisdom defies the wise and learned..also

he attended the school of Socrates in Alexandria earning several degrees; where he later became  the highly respected Dean of students. He alone discovered that Greek philosophy when mixed with the teachings of Carl Jung with a pinch of Freud can raise one’s knowledge to  heights of ecstasy.

He has studied extensively and his knowledge is unsurpassed by any of his peers. Or by anyone for that matter.

He also served as the president of the college of Incredible Intelligence in Rome. While there in Rome the pope kissed his ring.

After that he earned degrees in every ology known to man. He presently is the respected president of the University of Learning So High that degrees from there can only be attained by a few whose IQ’s must be at least 198. He is fluent in seven languages. He has written over forty books which all have been best sellers.

He has been awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for his efforts to educate the ignorant religious Bible thumping fundies. He works tirelessly to somehow convince them that they have been duped. He enjoys golf and traveling to places never before visited by humans. And he is only thirty-five years old. He calls himself an agtheist which is agnostic but technically a borderline atheist.

His Brilliance Dr Hotairre will now speak.

Dr Hotairre: Good evening ladies and gentlemen. My first presentation will be on unanswered prayer. God does not exist because I have never seen him. And my esteemed audience if I the magnificently educated Dr Hotiarre have not seen God, then he does not exist. I have never heard him with my perfectly healthy ears. I have never touched him. He simply is not here. He is not there. Ladies and gentlemen he is nowhere and not anywhere. He seems to be quite invisible as well as silent. He reigns from glory they say. But where is this glory? He wants praise from his prisoners. But why? Why praise him for an imperfect world? Could he with all his great awesome power have created a world without hurricanes and floods and tornadoes? yes. But he did not. Why? Because he did not want to is the simple answer…if he exists..which I am sure he does not exist. As the late great Alfred North Whitehead inquired why would any God want to be praised forever as does the Old Testament Yahweh?

But the greatest most convincing reason I am sure he does not exist is because he never answered one single prayer I prayed when I did believe in him. I read the Bible through and found nothing but contradictions. Oh yes my listeners I read it through.

I am disappointed it did not contain more information to solve our dilemma. What with all the blood, and smoking mountains, seas that mysteriously part, axes that mysteriously float, gore, wars, and incest, jealousy, idolatry, destroyed temples, wanderings, rapes, circumcisions, garden snakes,  misguided Egyptians, pathetic Persians, rowdy Romans, screaming pagans, confused Greeks, arrogant Assyrians, adultery, and murders, along with all the so called miracles it is a wonder these stories were preserved and handed down to the next generation of ignorant peasants who did not know their right hand from the left.

That is why I turned to science which has all the answers I need. But let us just take a little peek at the scriptures: For example who numbered Israel the Lord or Satan? It is maddening! There is no scientific reason that an axe would float. The Sea of Reeds has been searched thoroughly and not one chariot wheel has been found. Where are the stones Moses said the Ten Commandments were written on by the finger of God? There is not one shred of evidence that the Israelites wandered forty years in the wilderness. Where is the evidence for it?

It is absurd to believe that Elijah left here in a chariot. Science cannot support that the sun stood still at Joshua’s command.  It is not scientifically possible to produce the result Jacob did when he did his sheep experiment. I could go on and on naming one impossibility after another.

The notion that David killed a lion and a bear with his bare hands is absurd. Samson did not kill thousands of Philistines with the jawbone of an axe simply because there was no Sampson. What man needs is education. The world is in the condition it is in because of ignorance. It is a battle between those who have an education and those who need an education.

Thank you Dr Hotairre. We will now hear from Brother Happy.

Brother Happy: Hallelujah! Praise the Lord and thank you Jesus!

Glory to God! Praise the Lord for saving a wretch like me! I was lost and now am found. I was blind but now I see! I was full of hate and Jesus exchanged it for love! I was a sinner bound for hell. I am now saved and on my way to heaven.

to be continued in part 2…

The Reading of Goo’s Will and Last Testament

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With all his friends gathered in the Museum of Un-natural Pseudo-history Goo’s grieving attorney Evolutionist arrives and is greeted by the waiting crowd. Hopping from his limo he waves away reporters, then hurries inside to do what he hates to do: read Goo’s will to his grieving followers the Darwinians.

There is a hush. After the soloist sings The Impossible Dream his attorney Evolutionist asks that a moment of silence be observed in memory of his friend. An infidel comes forward to say there will be no prayer since none there believe in God.

Goo’s will and last testament  is opened by his faithful attorney Evolutionist. Weeping loudly he reaches for his handkerchief and wipes his eyes. He begins:

I Goo, being of sound mind and goo, do hereby testify that I am forever innocent of all charges hurled against me by the Bible-thumping creationists. Obviously if you are hearing these words today my dear Darwinian friends then you know I am sooo…dead. Dead by the hands of religious fanatics who believe in God without evidence. I had evidence to present to the world. I know what really ruined it for me was when I came up with Pilt-Down man. And his girlfriend Lucy. Big mistake! This is what alerted the creationists to my wicked ways.  Truly I never thought the fundies would challenge me on this. Before I knew it there were literally thousands upon thousands of essays and reports calling me a liar. There were excavations and sites revisited to prove me wrong. Not to mention all the Christian books, movies, and personal appearances by the Creationists who were out to prove beyond any doubt that God is real.

I lost the great battle and the creationists still rule the world as they have since the dawn of time. Rather the dawn of their time. Or rather the dawn of the only recorded time. Anyway let it be known that from this day forward I will be dead and remembered as a liar without a conscience.

But to you my dear Darwinian friends I will always be Goo who dreamed the impossible dream..hoping that transitional fossils would be found even though they were not found. It cannot be denied that if evolution did take place; is taking place there would be so many transitional fossils the world could not hold them. Why after billions of years and something changing into something else there would have to be proof. But there isn’t. So yes I  had to lie I had to keep up the show.

But as you continue in life remember that I tried.

I bequeath all my worldly belongings, which belongings consist of  a spade  and a knapsack,  to the Smithsonian where also will lie my gooey remains after my hanging by the Creationists.

I bid you adieu. By the way I am in Hell.

The crowd cries loudly repeating over and over...My great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great- a billion greats… great-granddaddy is a baboon.

Goo’s Execution

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It happened that Goo (from a far distant shore that appeared from nothing out of the so-called Big Bang) was found guilty of lying to the world.

His false claim that the human race descended from him has been thoroughly refuted by science.

The judge sentenced him to death by hanging.

The following is a report of what happened at the execution:

Only a few people were present to witness Goo breathe his last. It is reported he chose as his last meal a hot roast beef sandwich with mashed potatoes and green beans. And a large slice of Red Velvet cake for dessert. He swallowed down a large beer, smiled and belched before in death he closed his lying eyes.

After Goo is finished eating and drinking and belching, he is dragged to the gallows. Screaming and resisting with all his gooey might, he vows revenge on his killers. “I will come back I swear I will rise from the dead and kill you hypocrites!

Finally subdued he offers no more resistance knowing his fate is sealed. He trembles with fear as he catches his first look at the hanging place called the gallows.

Prison warden: Goo do you have any final words before we hang you by your lying scrawny little neck?

Goo: Not really. All I had to say I said on the witness stand. I stand by what I said that it was from me that the human race descended. Man came from apes! I know that is hard to accept. But it is true. Man is an animal! As I said; it all began on a far off distant shore after I met dear kind Mr Darwin. I slid out of the the sea and…

Prison warden: Place the noose around Goo’s lying bony dirty smelly godless neck Mr Executioner.

The executioner comes  forward with a black hood over this head. Only his eyes are visible. He glares at Goo. He places the noose around Goo’s neck. He secures it as if it will somehow fall off as Goo begins again to resist..

Goo reaches  up to feel the noose. He winces… then immediately composes himself.

Goo: I hate you all! I hate you all! May I die rather than deny that man evolved from goo to reptile to monkey to grunting, smelly, disgusting sex-crazed, wild beas…

CLUNK! The foundation beneath Goo’s feet disappears. It drops like a pebble into the abyss never to be seen again. Goo flops like a rag doll as the noose does its work of strangling the last lying breath out of him. After Goo’s dead lying body dangles for a few minutes, the executioner removes Goo’s lying neck from the noose. He places his corpse on the waiting gurney.

He is pronounced soooo…dead by a archaeologist doctor. A great cheer erupts from the crowd of creationists. Not a tear not a sigh when lying Goo died.

Goo died as he lived;  a liar.

He is taken down and buried in a grave marked

Here lies a liar and a fool” Goo the decieved.

Goo’s Incredible Journey (2)

Attorney Evolutionist: Your Honor I beg the court to demand that Attorney Christian cease attacking my witnesses and this case.

Judge: Goo you may continue..sigh…

Goo: I was particularly entranced of the Ice Age. It was cold. I almost didn’t make it through from the frost. Anyway I overcame it and became a polar bear. I was a seal and a penguin, a saber toothed tiger a giant ground slouth, a mastodon and every mammoth imaginable. Of course this was over 100,000 years ago. This was during the Triassic Period when dinosaurs appeared out of me the incredible goo. Time and goo what a team!

Attorney Evolutionist: Your honor if it please the court would it be acceptable if Goo tells us what was his favorite creature to evolve into?

Attorney Christian: I object! The entire examination of this obviously hallucinating gob of goo should be animated, placed on a big screen, advertised, and sold for what it is; science fiction cartoons!

Judge: Objection sustained. Goo you may answer the question.

Goo: My favorite creature was when I became a dinosaur. The Tyrannosaur Rex was my favorite evolving experience. I evolved from nothing to become a brainless creature. I wandered around for billions of years until I died out because of my desire to evolve into something else such as a roly-poly bug.

Attorney Evolutionist: Thank you Goo. You may step down.

Goo slips down and slides to his chair.

Attorney Christian: I would like to call to the stand the world’s foremost authority on evolution lie Dr Tim the Truth.

Tim the Truth you may begin quoting Henry Morris in his book The Remarkable Birth of Planet earth:

(p. 14) All processes manifest a tendency toward decay and disintegration, with a net increase in what is called the entropy, or state of randomness or disorder, of the system. This is called the Second Law of Thermodynamics.

(p. 19) There is a universal tendency for all systems to go from order to disorder, as stated in the Second Law, and this tendency can only be arrested and reversed under very special circumstances. We have already seen, in Chapter I, that disorder can never produce order through any kind of random process. There must be present some form of code or program, to direct the ordering process, and this code must contain at least as much “information” as is needed to provide this direction.
Furthermore, there must be present some kind of mechanism for converting the environmental energy into the energy required to produce the higher organization of the system involved. …
Thus, any system that experiences even a temporary growth in order and complexity must not only be “open” to the sun’s energy but must also contain a “program” to direct the growth and a “mechanism” to energize the growth. The Second Law (Law of Energy decay) states that every system left to its own devices always tend to move from order to disorder, its energy tending to be transformed into lover levels of availability, finally reaching the state of complete randomness and unavailability for further work.

and from Wikipedia; The first law of thermodynamics is an expression of the principle of conservation of energy.

The law says that energy can be transformed, i.e. changed from one form to another, but cannot be created nor destroyed. It is usually formulated  by stating that the change in the internal energy of a system is equal to the amount of heat  supplied to the system, minus the amount of work performed by the system on its surroundings.

Attorney Christian: What more proof does this court need to prove Goo the liar that he is? He is not only a liar but a troublemaker claiming that he himself is God. This is the same crime evolution perpetrated on the world when they claimed Time aka the Time-god to be God Almighty. Time which is capable only of moving forward since its creation in Genesis 1 by God cannot create anything from slime and gunk. Any sane reasonable individual knows this. From nothing to something is the outrageous shameless lie that Goo has been saying all along

Does Goo think he can go against universal laws? Does Goo think he can force those laws to bend to his lies. I was in the audience at his last seminar when he said that he was at one time a spiral galaxy. Look at Goo! Is it not clear what he is? Goo is actually claiming to be the energy of the universe. Goo thinks he is God. Delusional is not quite descriptive of his breakdown. Goo is absolutely mad!

Attorney Evolutionist: I object to this religious outburst! Goo is science! Goo is the scientific reason why all things exist! Time caused all things to be by chance. Only a fool would think otherwise. We evolved from lower forms of life I tell you! And Goo is the scientific proof of this incredible thing we call life.

Judge: (slams down his gavel) I demand order in this court! Truth you may take a seat. Attorney Christian may now address the jury. Then after that Attorney Evolutionist may submit to them his final argument.

Attorney Christian: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury thank you for your presence here to determine the truth of this case…Let me begin my argument with this….am I to believe that Attorney Evolutionist visits zoos to laugh at his ancestors? As he stands there in front of the monkey cage why does he not feel loving emotions toward these nasty creatures whose only purpose seems to be to disgust? Why is he even locking up his relatives? Is this love and respect?  Does he have an answer why I and most of the earth inhabitants do not believe Goo? Why would I disown my distant relatives? Why do I visit zoos? Why do I not take gifts to the lions and bears? The answer is obvious.

Attorney Evolutionist apparently visits them to laugh at his ancestors. Why is he not thanking them for his life? Why are their photos not included in his family album? Why does he refer to them as apes and not as his loving relatives. There is something missing here alright and it seems to be Goo’s brain.

As proved in this courtroom the two laws of thermodynamics have nothing to do with Goo’s testimony. The notion that he evolved into numberless creatures over billions upon billions of years is so outrageous it boggles the mind and attempts to bend the logic and reason of thinking human beings.

There once was chaos in the cosmos. But what GOD SAID changed everything. Things began to appear and form. The sole reason was GOD SAID. But Goo refuses to acknowledge God he claims he did it all simply by being Goo.  Goo demands worship as the God of creation. Goo wants to be Yahweh of the Old Testament. Goo wants to be like the Most High. Goo says he was once a polar bear. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury can anyone here while remaining true to his own existence, his own conscience in all honesty believe he came from Goo?

Can anyone here testify that he has seen disorder then suddenly order appears from it? Isn’t it true that we have to make order? In every way order must be made even as the judge displayed when he banged his gavel and demanded order. All things including humans do not naturally do what is order. We all have a tendency to get out-of-order. God calls it sin and Goo calls it evolution. If evolution were true would we not all improve to never die? Why do we die? Why do we everyday of our lives mess up in one way or the another? We do because we are prone to wander as the songwriter observed and recorded. But Goo’s testimony is that all things came from goo for no apparent reason. That things keep getting better and smarter. No sane person believes this. One of Goo’s worst crimes was he being the cause of thousands of searches for what does not exist; transitional fossils.

Judge: The court will take a recess for lunch.

Attorney Evolutionist Court (2)

The Honorable Judge Honest Harry Jones now presiding. All rise! All be seated!

Attorney Evolutionist: Father Time would you give the court your age please.

Father Time: I am timeless. I am the Time-god. The idol of the Darwin crowd. Without me they have nothing.

Infidel jumps up from his chair angrily screaming “Whose side are you on Pops?”

Judge: Infidel one more outburst and I will hold you in contempt! Proceed Counsellor Evolutionist.

Attorney Christian: I object your Honor! So far all we have heard here is fantasy and fairy tales. Lies! Father Time is the biggest liar this side of Uranus.

Judge: May I remind you Counsellor Christian that this is my courtroom not yours? I will decide after hearing all the evidence what is true and what is false. Be advised the guilty party who came into the courtroom without evidence will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. I will sentence him to life in prison with no possibility of parole. Continue Counselor Evolutionist. Without empirical evidence they have nothing. So far they have no evidence.

Attorney Evolutionist: Father Time when was it you realized that you were able to create universes and other fun stuff?

Father Time: When I met Charles Darwin for the first time in jolly old England. We traveled on the tiny Beagle together for five years finally ending up at Galapagos. It was there he found me of great use and the rest is history.

Attorney Christian: I object! This is the biggest piece of fiction ever dreamed up by the enemies of truth. It is true he sailed with Darwin on the famed Beagle. But the facts is this is a lie! He has no power to create. All he can do is move forward. God created him and one day he will be no more even as the angel says in the Revelation of Jesus Christ chapter ten verse six.

Judge: Objection sustained..

Attorney Evolutionist: Let me rephrase that..what exactly happened at Galapagos?

Father-Time: It was the beaks of the finches that made Darwin understand the hidden secret of the ages. Evolution is taking place.

Attorney Christian: I object! The Time-god is capable of doing nothing but moving forward. Not giving evidence of Finches! I have plenty to say about that. Present empirical evidence! Talk is talk but where is the evidence? I think it was not the finches but the natives of another place that made him believe that the Bible cannot be true.

Judge: Objection overruled. Go on Counsellor Evolutionist.

Attorney Evolutionist: Why do you believe evolution is taking place?

Father-Time: Because I am the one that makes it happen.

Attorney Evolutionist: I have no further questions for this witness.

Judge: Attorney Christian: You may now cross-examine the witness.

Attorney Christian: Father-Time: Isn’t it true that you are capable of doing nothing but moving forward? And isn’t it true that you had a beginning? Which in fact was only  a few thousand years ago?

Father-Time: That is not what Darwin told me. He believed in me. He said that it was because of me that evolution takes place.

Attorney Christian: It is true that you had a beginning. You were created in Genesis 1. In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. In that passage there you Time.. are “the beginning”.  That is your real name. You do not have any magical powers to create. In fact you have never stood still. You have never rewound. Moving forward is what you do.

Attorney Evolutionist: I object!

Judge: Objection overruled.

Attorney Christian: On Galapagos what exactly did you do there?

Father-Time: I simply was used of Darwin to make things change into other stuff. I did nothing wrong.

Attorney Christian: Nothing wrong huh? I would not call saying you changed goo into a rhinoceros is not doing anything wrong.

Father-Time: I only wanted to help. I was a victim of evolution. They used me and exploited me for their own greedy gain.

(Time-god is getting very nervous)

Attorney Evolutionist: I object to this ridiculous testimony. Your Honor it is apparent the witness is losing it.

Attorney Christian: So now the truth comes out. Time-god when they used you for dishonest reasons how did that make you feel?

Time-god: It made me feel used. Darwin used me and so did the goo.

To be continued…

(Editor’s note: I laugh when I write my evolution blogs. I have fun fun fun. I mean no offense to anyone.)

Attorney Evolutionist Goes To Court

Image by jovike via Flickr

The courtroom is packed with reporters. With pens ready they wait to hear Attorney Evolutionist’s defense of his client.

All rise! The Honorable Judge Honest Harry Jones presiding. Judge seats himself. All may be seated! The judge sits back in his chair:

Judge: Attorney Evolutionist you may begin.

Attorney Evolutionist: I will prove to this court of law that my client Unbeliever is innocent of the charges brought against him by Believer. I will prove beyond any shadow of doubt to this honorable court that evolution is indeed taking place beginning over 1000,000,000,000 billion years ago. Give or take another hundred billion.

Attorney Christian: I object your Honor. My opponent has not a shred of evidence to defend his client. In fact this court will find before the trial is over that evolution is nothing but a big hoax perpetrated on the Bible ignorant.

Judge: Objection overruled. You may proceed.

Attorney Evolutionist: Yes your Honor. I call my first witness Pilt down Man.

Piltdown Man takes the stand. He is sworn in. He lies under oath.

Attorney Evolutionist: Pilt Down Man isn’t it true that you are a transitional fossil?

Attorney Christian: I object to this fairy tale to be presented in a court of law. It is documented that “Pilt down Man (Eoanthropus Dawsoni) was once thought to be a “missing link” between man and ape. The first Piltdown fragments were discovered in 1912. Thereafter, over 500 scientific essays were written on the Piltdown Man in a 40-year period. The discovery was proven to be a deliberate hoax in 1953.

Attorney Evolutionist: Piltdown man is this true?

Piltdown Man: No it is not true! I am a transitional fossil that proves the link between man and beast. I was discovered…

Judge: I want this lying witness arrested. Piltdown man this court holds you in contempt for deliberately lying to this court. May I remind Attorney Evolutionist that this court seeks only evidence. Facts backed up by science.

Attorney Evolutionist: I call my second witness Infidel the esteemed scientist. He was educated at the finest universities. He holds three degrees. Paleontology anthropology and biology. He has written numerous books on evolution….all best sellers. Books that now are in universities and schools across the nation. Our children must learn the truth of our origins that we all came from monkeys. They must be educated in the teachings of Charles Darwin. They must learn that the only god is Time.

Judge: May I remind you Counselor Evolutionist that this court is interested in evidence. I am not interested in hearing of this man’s numberless degrees. Or how many books he wrote. There are books of fiction. Books are not evidence unless there are witnesses. I must see evidence. I want eyewitnesses. Documents and written and signed affidavits. I want tangible physical evidence that can be verified by science.

Attorney Christian: Your Honor if I may say something.

Judge: You may.

Attorney Christian: Infidel has no evidence. He presents as evidence the strange tale of smelly hairy disgusting sex-crazed beasts he claims stomped through earth an unbelievable amount of millenniums ago. He just keeps saying it just happened. He has no documents to prove anything he says. He has his word which, no offense to him, his word is just not good enough.

Judge: Exactly. I want evidence. I want empirical evidence. As Richard Dawkins the famous atheist says `the world has no shortage of liars.`

(Judge looks at Attorney Evolutionist than glares at Unbeliever and Infidel)

Judge: Counselor why are you in my courtroom without evidence?

Attorney Evolutionist: Your Honor may I call my witness to the stand?

Judge: By all means. This is why we are here to see and hear evidence.

Infidel hurries to witness stand. He is sworn in with his right hand on the Bible.

Attorney Evolutionist: Infidel isn’t it true that you know exactly what happened 1000, 000,000 billion millenniums ago?

Infidel: I do.

Attorney Christian: I object! Was he there? Did he see? Did he hear? Did he feel? Where are the documents from witnesses?

Judge: Objection overruled!

Attorney Evolutionist: Please tell the court what happened 1000,000,000 billion years ago.

Infidel: For no apparent reason there was suddenly a Big Bang. It shook the nothingness of nothingness. It shot out for eons of time exploding into chemicals and atoms. It shot even further out and suddenly for no reason there were amino acids and other interesting stuff.

Attorney Evolutionist: then what happened?

Infidel: The universe came into existence. Suns appeared and also moons. Stars began to shine..this strange happening took 900,000,000,000,000,000,000 billion zillion years.

Attorney Christian: I object! Your Honor without evidence he has nothing. I am not interested in hearsay. Where is the evidence? His so called testimony is a fairy tale if I ever heard one.

Judge: Present evidence or this court will hold you in contempt. May I remind you that Pilt down man is just an example of what happens to liars and hoaxes.

Attorney Evolutionist: Go on Infidel and present your evidence.

Infidel: Well I wasn’t there but I just know that is what happened.

Attorney Christian: I object to this fairytale presented as facts.

Judge: Objection overruled.

Attorney Evolutionist: Go on please.

Infidel: Than there were unbelievable loud ear-splitting eye-bulging sound barrier-breaking explosions in deep space. Black holes appeared which immediately swallowed up a few spiral galaxies. No big deal because the universe kept producing other interesting stuff. Like novas. Oh yeah.. and stars so numberless they  could never be named. Mysterious phenomenon. Numberless galaxies appeared for no apparent reason. Then far away on a single planet there was goo sliding and slipping on a distant shore. It was the beginning of life here on earth.

Attorney Christian: I object your Honor. I have never heard such gobbledygook nonsense in my entire life! And by the way the Bible says that God calls every star by name. I have never heard such heretic hogwash!

Judge: Me neither! But go on Infidel..

Attorney Evolutionist: May I remind this court that my illustrious witness is the holder of several degrees. He is well-respected in science. He attended a prestigious university of higher learning. He gives seminars across the land. Not to mention he is known in the circles of evolution as their most respected and knowledgeable scientist.

Judge: Well I would hate to hear him as a witness without he having not gone to school. You may proceed.

Judge yawns.

Infidel: The goo was slimy and sticky. It was green. It remained goo for over 100 billion millenniums. Then for no apparent reason it begin to change its form and soon it had an eye. One bulging eye appeared so the goo could see.

Attorney Evolutionist: What did the goo see?

Infidel: It is assumed that the goo saw nothing yet.

Attorney Christian: I object to this make-believe story. It is outrageous that this is even happening in a court of law.

Judge: Objection overruled.

Attorney Evolutionist: You may step down for now. Your Honor may I call to the stand Father Time?

Attorney Christian: I object again Your Honor. This is outrageous! To think that Infidel knows what happened at a so-called time that only exists in his imagination is hardly evidence for science. Now he is going to question the time-god. I object to this travesty of truth!

Judge: Objection overruled!

Father Time takes the stand after being sworn in.

Attorney Evolutionist: Please tell the court your full name please.

Father Time: Father Time also known as Time-god.

To be continued…

Atheist and Theist Again..(16)

Atheist: Okay you said.. So the beasts that survived in contrast to the smellier ones that died first were the fittest? That I said  they had affection for one another or how else could they mate? I agree that love creates not behaves beastly such as did these prehistoric monsters…Love is always in order and is decent as you say.

Theist: That is what I said.

Atheist: That it is as Paul said of it in 1 Corinthians 13. That love and lust have nothing in common. That it is only my opinion about the beasts; why they survived for billions of years because they were fit. Then you assert that if anything describes un-fit it is these beastly entities I claim were the ancestors of the human race: the race that seeks but one thing; to be happy.”

Theist: Yes again.

Atheist: Here is what you fail to understand. The hairy beasts did vaguely suspect something was up. They had to have possessed some self-awareness. They were aware they were. They were aware they needed certain things to survive. In all their snorting and grunting they still sought to live. They knew that air was their friend. I’m sure they felt hunger pangs and went in search of food. They clung to life but unfortunately they perished when time disposed of them.

Theist: How cruel your time-god. Its cruelty is unsurpassed.

Atheist: Regardless, how they knew that food was needed to alleviate their hunger produced discomfort is easy to understand. They had a need and they met it as best they could. But they had to die for beauty alone demanded it. How beauty could have existed along with these hairy beasts is remarkable don’t you think? It is hard to imagine such beasts existing among trees and flowers and lakes and valleys.

Theist: Right because beauty does not invite ugliness. My goodness have you never read Plato’s symposium? Live? These beasts had to live? Life and beastly survival are alike how? I understand what I understand but tell me how you understand it. To think a wild boar in the wilderness is living is nonsense. He is simply a beast that breathes. Yes he lives as that he has breath. But he dies as a beast leaving nothing behind but his dead carcass. To live is Christ is the truth of the ages.

Atheist: Your opinion.

Theist. I have proof. This holy truth did not come into play as you say certain chemicals did. It is the truth of ages the only truth. Chemicals that somehow were flung into the slot, into which for no apparent reason they fit, by mere chance after a stupendous unexplainable big bang is fiction. If any man have not Christ he is dead.

Atheist: That is debatable.

Theist Moving right along…These disgusting beasts did not live I tell you. It is not reasonable to think they did. What ruins your whole presentation is the time-god with its vicious unmerciful way of doing things. Time according to what I understand is the real beast in your evolution story.

Atheist: Gentle reminder…I am an atheist and do not believe in any deities. Back to the issue..Look time is necessary. It must pass. According to religion the Christ came just a couple of thousand years ago.

Theist: We have documents to prove this. It is the holy Bible. There are even secular sources that agree; Tacitus, Josephus and others. All existing immutable universal laws agree with the Mosaic Code.

Atheist: As for the homely creatures; These beasts lived billions of years ago in conditions so unmerciful it is a stupendous feat of nature they even survived as long as they did. I find it remarkable to say the least.Time might have even moved backward for all we know. There might have been time glitches happening because of the violence happening in deep space.

Theist: Excuse me time moves only forward. Why? because this is how God did it in the beginning. He said evening and morning were the first day and so on until seven days were created. Thus our week was created by his word. Sun moon stars…I don’t get your must pass unless you refer to time must pass into billions of years to turn Beastly Bongo into Dapper Dan.

Atheist: I suppose you could say that.

Theist: From grunt to coherency all because of time.

Atheist: Yep.

Theist: Time and Chance doesn’t do it.. It is not possible for something to come from nothing for no reason. There has to be a cause.  Common sense says this without invoking science. A child knows this basic fact of life. If you were to ask a four-year old if he believed something could come from nothing he would say no. He just knows. Kids have to be taught evolution until it becomes who they are. Their thinking is formed by it. It is the lie that is the enemy of truth. The truth that God loves us.

Atheist: This nothing but brainwashing at it worst.

Theist: Though evolutionists deny it there cannot be a watch without a watchmaker. There cannot be a building without a builder. Rewind back and tell me how suddenly this truth did not exist? It is not reasonable to look around and not know that everything in existence has a maker. Yet you travel in your imagination back to a supposed time and a maker isn’t needed. It is not logic nor reason to believe that. Things have to make sense.

Atheist: I will explain. Time must pass for these beasts to learn at least one thing. It took millenniums and millenniums for them to graduate from grunt to snort. It was a slow-moving world not like now when things move so fast due to all this improved thinking that invents amazing things.

Theist: Like bombs?

Atheist: You could say the beasts somehow understood that necessity is the mother of invention. What they needed they made. They went in search of what their instincts demanded. They needed food and killed to get it. Without a thought. They simply acted as did the forms in space changing into what they must for some mysterious reason into what they must be. Nothing directed any of it; it was all chance.

Theist: From grunt to snort they fiercely marched onward grunting and snorting killing and eating while blood dripped from their mouth to become human? I must say I never heard such imagination since I read first Darwin’s Origin of Species. No offense intended.

Atheist: No offense taken.

Theist: I will never believe that our loving God would waste billions of things to make one thing. It is like destroying a forest to make one toothpick from the trees. Lunacy. As you know the law of conservation is proof that the Creator wastes nothing. Not even our troubles  are wasted by him.

Atheist: So you say.

Theist: He uses whatever we have, or do and changes those things into what can be used for his own glory. To bless us if we trust in him. Water can become ice or steam.  Always remaining what it is. There is no waste.

Atheist: Waste does exist as in what happened to the heroic creatures of by-gone days. They were wasted yet were used by nature to evolve into something better.

Theist : So nature used them? How mean. Evolution teaches waste on scales so mammoth and monumental it turns into sadness. God said is the reason for all things. Paul said we understand by faith that the things we see were made of things we cannot see. What a perfect and beautiful explanation of the love and power of God. He simply spoke and it became.

Atheist: Picture it..In the deep dark regions of distant space things were happening. Galaxies were literally exploding with such force the universe literally tore in places creating strange  forms that stood still.  Holes so black and endless in-depth they bend light. Can you imagine darkness bending light? Then suddenly these violent moving forms began to take shape. They formed into planets and stars. They heaved and sighed with such voluminous power, all surrounding things that existed had to react in some way. This was evolution taking place.

Theist: You made all this up.

Atheist: The beasts that appeared billions of years later on our planet had some inkling they had to move forward also. They were in tune with the universe. Of course they did not consciously think this, they just somehow contained this within their beastly existence. But that knowledge somehow was conveyed to us via time. I guess you could say they did have a minute clue that something was definitely up.

Theist: Did you ever think of writing science fiction books? Your imagination makes the Event Horizon sound like a lullaby. Of course with all due respect to you as a fellow human being I respect your right to your thoughts. I believe none of this. But since we’re friends…

Atheist: See, you need to understand that it was later when love and emotions kicked in. The brain of these unimaginable ugly disgusting smelly sex crazed entities was not formed to think..yet. They simply existed as did their bodies.

Theist: As did their disgusting smelly hairy sweaty ugly nasty bodies?

Atheist:  yes…But It was simply breath in a beast and nothing more. They had no idea they were the forerunners of geniuses and scientists astronomers…you name it.

Theist: Go on…

Atheist: But in truth, these horrendously homely, disgusting, hairy, smelly, bad breath,  sex-crazed beasts are the undisputed champions and heroes of the human race. They went before us and unknowingly sacrificed themselves for us.

Theist: I am sure that In the beginning tells us this is precisely when time began.  Beginning is exactly that; the beginning. In that time start is when recorded history began.  We have documents, you don’t. Imagination cannot be considered fact. I can imagine fairies dancing on a lawn it doesn’t mean they  are there.

Atheist: Are you sure?

Theist: I’m positive. I can imagine a flying spaghetti monster, but it doesn’t mean it exists. The truth is we have documents that verify what we experience and see and feel and know. The sun and moon and stars came into existence by the spoken word of God. He said.

Atheist: I question the validity of the Bible for obvious reasons.

Theist: Obvious reasons? Name one. Back to what I was saying. God said and before that was eternity. Time is simply a tiny space between Genesis one and when the angel in the book of  Revelation of Jesus Christ says Time shall be no more. You say it just happened. The Bible says God said. It is imperative one understands the importance and truth of the creative power in God’s word. What God says happens. Why? Simply because he is God.

To be continued….